Wildly (if unintentionally?) inappropriate advertising

Standard

[Note: I am in the process of closing out the two blogs I created before this one and am transferring their contents here, so please bear with the sudden appearance of these “old” essays &cet.]

By Scott Ross

Arrow Gay Crotch

All of my underwear has a gay crotch.

36442_422685044144_7769569_n_422685044144

How could they tell? (It’s those hands… those tiny hands…)

'60s artwork - boys in the sea

This artwork has “Mid-1960s to early-’70s” written all over it. But what in the world was the point? Why are those two on the end performing a minuet? More important: What was the graphic designer thinking?

Boy with foot fetish

Okay… will someone please explain this one? The boy isn’t shining shoes. He has a foot fetish? At his age? What does that man with the outstretched hand want? And who are all those other men, and what do they want? This is is the sickest thing I’ve ever seen.

Burr Tillstrom - Gay Cruise

All right: I was aware that Burr Tillstrom was gay. But who knew he enjoyed cruising? And with Kukla and Ollie? (Was Fran their beard? And did Joseph know?)

Coca-Cola

Even supposing one could actually drink like that on one’s back, why are those boys playing footsie?

Macho

It’s also upside-down.

Carter's trigs boxers

Wait… Dad and son just got married?

Chesterfield

Most of us can tell it with the lights on as well.

Citation Stripes

Isn’t that sweet? Daddy and his Boy have matching togs.

Don't Ask Don't Bite

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Pursue… Don’t Bite“?

Jell-O is the gay dessert

Does Bill Cosby know? Did Jack Benny?

Dial - not sissy

Kid showers with Dad at his age, and he has the nerve to call someone else “sissy”?

Gay Johnny 4662651174_c552e45758_b

“Johnny! Eat your cucumbers!”

Gay Top

To go with your Gay Crotch, presumably.

A good boy cropped

really good boy gives his friend a hand. Or turns his back. If you know what I mean. And I think you know what I mean.

Excelda Handkerchiefs

But… but… isn’t the one on the right a dyke?

Have a Fag

Let’s face this, while we’re at it: If Edward Everett Horton sells your ciggies, they really are fags.

Homo's Tamatore cut

Although some Homos prefer theirs 100% uncut.

Ingersoll ad

Exactly who, or what, was Ingersoll’s target audience here?

Train and tunnel

“Let Daddy send his train into your tunnel, son.”

No skins

Mom is clearly a very modern woman.

Success Story

Guy with rod(!) in his hand (Thinking): “Just who does he think he’s kidding with that Sonny Corleone routine?”

Jester Wools

You see? You see? They wanna make everyone queer, I tells ya! Everyone!

Schlitz ad

Later, at home, Bob’s wife had a sneaking suspicion her hubby had been tasting more than just Bill’s beer…

the-gay-amigo-movie-poster-1949-1020678426

Was that “Cisco,” or “Crisco”? (Does anyone remember how every episode of the television Cisco Kid ended with the Kid and his sidekick exchanging the cryptic exchange “Oh, Poncho!” “Oh, Cisco!”… followed, one presumes, by a discrete fade-out.)

Lyendecker - Arrow collar with golf club

“Egad, but Rawlings Senior seems awfully intrigued by the size of my club…” (The Arrow Collar artist, J. C. Leyendecker, was gay, and used his lover as a model, so what you think is going on in this illustration, probably is.)

Enlist in the Navy

And sometimes a torpedo is just a torpedo. Riiiiight.

Austin Reed - Go Gay

Thank you. I have no choice in the matter.

YMCA

And then write dumb disco songs about it, which straight people don’t get.


Text copyright 2013 by Scott Ross

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s